30 dezembro 2005

Recordacoes natalinas

Pode ser bobo e infantil, mas uma das minhas melhores recordacoes natalinas da infancia eh quando eu e meus pequenos amigos nos reuniamos pra cantar :

-Eh natal eh natal seu cu no meu pau....

25 dezembro 2005

Garotas Curupira

Tou em Tokio.

As minas andam de mini saia, os pelim tudo arrepiado num frio de zero grau, e o poder sexy dessa escolha é reduzido pelo fato de suas pernas serem tortas pra dentro. Nao é um pouco torta, é atrofia mesmo. Acho que é por causa do frio, ou porque elas desde os 13 anos andam andam e andam de salto altíssimo, que é um treco inventado pra se ficar parada.
Mas no geral, esse povo aqui anda numa elegancia que me faz sentir um marmota.

E o tamanho deTokio faz Sao Paulo parecer Belo Horizonte, cruz credo.

23 dezembro 2005

O Maior Insulto ...No Mundo

Essa foi achada no forum do site da banda The Dandy Warhols.
Um fan inconformado com a inconsistencia do forum da vazao a seus sentimentos;dai um outro fan,incomodado com o choramingo,responde no que talvez constitua o maior insulto da historia,no mundo...

(Primeiro fan)

You Fkkrz lock threads and censore people---Fuck You!!
No wonder nobody hangs out here

... A SORRY-ASS excuse for a fan forum, weak as fuck .I expected more from a band like The Dandy Warhols see-ya later dipshitz *middle finger to the monkey-BOY moderator*

(Segundo Fan)

I'll give you a real insult. You suck and I hate the fuck out of you and i want you out the fuck of this fucking forum you spit sucking slimy sick excuse for rotting zombie flesh that you are and you are too because thats all you fuck is ugly rotting smell of death zombie flesh from every bad horror flick ever produced your wretch winch witch hosebag mother was a fucking corpse anyway even from the very begginning when she was born out of a rank and dirty green diseased piss filled test tube she is ill with countless sexual diseases because she got them from makin it with the garbage trash that you and your sleazy worthless kind do it with and you live like a slob too you dont even flush your hideous toilet or use deodorant so you smell like the crack of a bums ass the kind your sister licks with her lizard like forked toungue at lunchtime to get her nourishment at least when she isnt near a dirty smell scummy toilet where she can lick and chew and gnaw with her yellow rotting teeth on the lumps of toilet paper that are filled with vast quantities hard peanutty lumps of poop and thats what makes up her draino caustic ridden chemically imbalanced brain too cause she is stupid and drives a really shitty car the kind that they would use in maacco commercials but its even worse than that cause they wouldnt even consider using it in their commercial cause it was too ugly and stinky so she fucked the director for nothing and ate his shit because she liked it and had to have it fill her repugnant slut mouth right up to and even beyond the bitches brim just like your ganglean yak anus loving dick does at the end of a long night when you come home from the starCaliber bars because you couldnt get some shit eater like yourself to piss on you so you have to have her do it and she doesnt even do it well either because she is more used to pissing on herself which is fine since she was bread that way to begin to be a piss drinking whore of the world more than likely even though she gets more than enough practice from all her white trash scummy trailer park and gutter whore friends that are always tweeking and shooting up diareaha from leaking rotting corpses cause their lives are so god damned miserable and meaningless cause they work at mac donalds eating the stuff from the grease traps and licking the floor clean in search of pubic hairs to add to heir collections that they have stuffed between their teeth they should have their faces mashed against the hot grill and their genitals cut off made into french fries and deep fried in boiling oil but thats too good for them they should be made to slave for ronald mac donald for their entire fucking lives they gleefully chew and suck on that queer ronalds ding a ling all all the ding dong day long for free cause they love him and because he is a nazi with masculine black reflective jack boots to shove up their bitch asses ronald boy grinds their heads into tiny piles of ashes he laughs at them and makes their lives a living hot breathing hell hell where they belong alongside you getting your butt reamed by the devils hot boiling tongue and you will love it too cause you are a chump and demons from all over know that your sisters give it away for free this is why they let them live so that I can kill them with my fucking bare hands squeeze their guts out of their stinky rancid cunts that scientists dont even know how to describe cause its so god damn gross and smelly everyone within a hundred miles or kilometers or whatever pukes all over the place these are good innocent people and your family and you are making them puke i should kill you pump fifty million billion trillion hot screaming rusty bullets into your face and body there arent enough bullets in the entire world for you and your poor excuse for a family they would have to have the factories make them day and night forever and ever i will shoot you until my gun melts dripping hot metal on your fucking piece of shit you call a body girls laugh at you when you go to the beach you have no right to even be seen near water at all cause you surely dont bathe in it do you fucker head with that matted uncut dirty seaweed you call hair you are to cheap to even go to supercuts they wouldnt let you in anyway they will scream and run away from you but i wont i will shove handgrenades up your filthy butthole but i sure wont forget to wear rubber gloves as thick as plywood and a gas mask too cause you fart all the time you stink and kids make fun of you and make you feel like an idiot for doing so but you cant help it cause your sick demonic sucking family dinner ritual begins when your mother farts in your dads face while he jacks off on top of your dinner you enjoy watching his anus open gaping wide while your mother sticks her tongue into it and sucks out all that ancient shit that wont come out naturally cause hes so constipated all the time cause he sits all day at home cause no one will hire him because he looks like a retard and snot is always running out of his nose onto the floor by the gallon and you bottle it up in a thermos so you can drink it when you are on the street bumming money and no one gives it to you but you give it to them all the way down your throat too and they laugh at you and hit you and beat you and ram steel girders attached to funny cars into your measly little balls that you make little girls suck but they throw up i hate you and i havent even begun yet cause theres so many things fucked up about you so why cant you just realize that you have no need to even be a part of this galaxy or dimension you arent even fit to be an alien on star trek mr spock would kill you on sight he is too smart to let you get away with living and annoying people day and night you have annoyed everyone on the planet ten times over they see you coming and get sick to their stomachs i should call up the air force and have them blow up an atomic bomb in your face and video tape it so everyone can enjoy watching you get fried on the big screen and we will humiliate you and your highly inbred family by tieing them up naked behind a speeding jet car and dragging them all over the salt flats after weve covered it with nails and broken glass and hot lava you suck shit i hate you and there arent enough words in the dictionary to describe it so i will say it over and over and brainwash you into killing yourself you piece of turd what the hellwhy dont you get the fuck out of this city what are you doing listening this it just proves what a simple cocksucker shithead you are get out or fucking kill yourself or are you too god damn fucking chicken you are arent you you fucking worthless slob i hate you you are ugly get off of my sidewalk why should i have to put up with you just because you pretend to live here bullshit you are nothing but bullshit you make me sick of all that you and your kind do you are taking up my space man and i dont like it not at all damn you go burn your house down and go to jail and get buttfucked like you should because you are such a god damn fuckwadded fagacite i should just kill you myself but that would be much to easy your family can eat your anus but i wont you stink of swamp shit and i dont have anything to do with swamp shit but you do because you are and thats why i am telling you this because im tired of wasting my time looking for ways to annihilate you off the god damn face of this fucking planet its being taken over by scum suck fuckers and you are one and i am gonna send you a letter bomb filled with nails and other such horribly devastating objects to rip your ugly face completely and totally off the same face that i have to look at everywhere i go im pissed and i want you fucking out of here even if i have to call in jets to do it carrying bombs and missiles and butt piercing bullets that will rip your fucking ass off so you will quit stuffing things up it that dont belong to you go die you are a piece of dung that isnt worth coming out of a mad cows hairy hemorrhoidal ass i wanna cut your fucking prick off and feed it to your kids in the poor district shit head you are brainless and you dont even know how to tie your shoes because if you did you wouldnt trip so much would you asshole breath when was the last time you thought of killing yourself its been a long time probably so why dont you go do it tonight so i can get some sleep im tired of you waking me up you bastard i will burn your house down i will paint your fucking life black i want to ruin your donkey dick shit swallowing cow cunt sucking life and warp the minds of your poor pathetic dirty children so that they will grow up to be deranged and fuck themselves with broken glass and roam the streets to get hit by cars i will turn them against you you commie pinko cheadar headed buttfucker go sell some of your drugs to your mom so she can overdose and die then you can fuck her like you do your dogs cats and babies you live in hopes that you will become rich or some shit like that you wont so fuck you you cant cause you cant do anything good at all except nothing you can do nothing real good because you are nothing god damn it you are a piece of the ugliest stinkly asshole of your ever so worthless parents your mother is a whore and fucks bums and sucks their dicks and swallows their alcoholic cum cause she cant get enough you let her tongue your asshole and then you shit in her mouth and she spreads it on your dick and sucks it off cause she will suck any strange diseased penis for nothing because she has to have it in her mouth and your dirty pathetic children are the same way you love to rape your little kids tight pussies because they scream and its the only way you can get off when you dont have some ugly fat slobs stinky mildew cunt in your mouth right get the fuck out of here i am going to rip you into pieces and cram them down the sewer so the rats can eat you and shit you out of their anuses because you are a rats ass and rats shit and its what you deserve today right now you lazy fuck go die git leave and go stick your fat head on a railroad track so it can get squashed or i will nail you to the front of a semi truck and drive it over a fucking cliff you son of a bitch you cant comprehend that cause you are too brainless so just fill your house with gas and light a match you cant even do that you are so worthless i cant trade you for dirt you cant do anything but take up space you are a vegetable that rots in sewage and slime you eat bugs and brush your teeth with piss and defecate on the floor and sleep in it because you love shit and you eat shit you are shit i hate you you completely suck im not through yet you deserve all that you can get today now and surely not tomorrow because of the flat worm that you are slime sucking pus filled bag of cartilage is what your head is made out of because you sure dont have any brains they have been buttfucked out of your skull by the dick hungry aliens that spewed forth from your mamas pussy coming from sucking down all that rancid sticky sperm from fat sweaty drunk and dirty diseased bums that live in your house you attract flies and you should be poisoned in your sleep by somebody with lots of money to give to me for killing your gross asshole with dynamite up your bug infested butthole you are gross and you eat and lick the insides of porta potties after they have been abandoned in the desert for years in the hot sun and you live in them too and thats why you have no reason to exist at all leave this planet you dont even speak and cohearent language you are dumb and nothing comes out of your mouth but sludge except cum from your dads herpe ridden dick that is so small it is too small a meal for even a tiny little ant you have every sickness in the world you contaminated sloth fuck you to death with an i beam you need to be raped and beaten within an inch of your life you shit faced asshole pig fucker you fuck pigs cause you are one you are to stupid to know the difference between animal cunt and your own you suck on bricks to pass the time you need to be taken to a junkyard and cut with rusty metal and then have a corroded drive shaft rammed up your ass by an entire pro football team you drunk worthless stinky sheep fucker get out of my face you are utterly ugly and disgusting in unimaginable vast quatities of ways and means you make me sick take your god damn dog with you too your dog is so stupid you make him eat the shit out of your asshole cause he is too dumb to know how to eat dog biscuits he is a mangy mutt that should be put to sleep but they wont waste perfectly good poison on him he should be run over by a truck laden with the heaviest of steel and concrete so as to squash him into a pancake that no one will recognize except of course your whore of a mother who will scrape it off with her teeth and take it to your messy dirty house to be cooked for dinner so your dad can get the energy up to fuck your sisters while listening to you moan and groan as i stick needles into your eyes you dont need to see cause no one wants to see you you suck and you live in a man hole but you arent a man you are a worthless pile of shit carrying diseases and you love it i will burn you with a piece of molten sun go die i hate you leave this planet you are hated and loathed in every corner of the world even the penguins at the south pole hate you and want to kill you they wait day and night for you to step foot on their continent they will freeze you in a block of ice for an eternity if they even see you and i would drag you there naked over a dirt road but there is such a long line of people waiting to destroy you and your entire buttfucking excuse for a family they will just lynch all of you and rip their guts out and let them run into the street why dont you just save them the trouble and run into the street right now so as the cars can run you down into the dirt where you belong you are dirt you eat dirt that has poop in it you suck on exhaust pipes in your spare time you haven't the luck to do it long enough to kill yourself climb into my engine compartment so my cars fan can get a chance to cut your skankly green dick off so you cant reproduce and make this world even more unbearable for everyone else go eat dead bodies they are your only source of fucking food cause food wilts spoils and dies when around your rancid filthy body god hates you too you make my grass die when you walk down the street i should call the fucking cops they will arrest you for every crime in the book and you wont be able to run in that silly ass way that you do cause the cops will have helicopters and drop napalm on you it is worth losing a whole block if they can get you the cops have a picture of your ugly pus covered face in every car they own even the cops on tv have orders to shoot you full of holes on sight you cant hide you never learned how to hide you are too stupid to grasp the idea of hide and seek the kids never played with you in school because you dressed like a fucking slob hippy fuck from some worthless past decade they kicked you and teased you and made you suck their cocks even the school nurse filled hypos with acid and shot up your eyeballs as the teachers watched and laughed at you cause you were fucking dumb they tried to teach you but they couldnt you always had shit in your mouth so they couldnt understand you fucking rotting widerbeast cock eater i will smash your fucking face in with a crescent wrench the biggest and heaviest that they make and then stick your brain in a blender and feed it to fat people at jenny craigs and watch them puke cause your little brain isnt worth anything as food much less as garbage it is garbage but the garbage men will ignore it and pretend it isnt there when i put i out they wont take it cause it will ruin their truck those trucks cost alot of money and you owe everyone enough as it is you humongous scumpot buffalo anus chewing blister headed roach faced whore slime fuck get the fuck out of here i will run you out of town myself and i wont need marshall dillon to do it because you never heard of him because your tv sucks and gets shitty reception cause you are too stupid to attach an antennae to it they wouldnt even sell you one at the tv store cause you were to cheap to buy basic cable and you stunk so bad and had so many flies around you laying eggs in your hair you are a maggot nursery you scared off all the customers everything about you is totally sick your measly life is pathetic you suck and your whole family sucks go kill your self with a god damn chainsaw i will cut down the biggest tree in the world and let it fall on you and squash you into the fucking dirt you are fertilizer that plants and bugs dont even eat you are truly non scrumptious to even the lowest of all life forms if rocks were alive they wouldnt touch you either nothing on this great planet will touch you at least it was great until you came along my job is to basicly eradicate disintegrate and annihilate you into total nothingness not even a trace of you has to be here or it will grow into another one of you and thats all this world needs is another bad sci fi horror show but i wont mind cause i will get to destroy you all over again yes and i will too so lets get fucking started shall we i wont show you any mercy cause you dont deserve any not even from god he is waiting also to kill the shit out of you he hates you he didnt even make you to begin with that was someone that broke into his house when he was out creating another universe cause you have ruined this one with your presence you are trash and you have ruined this whole universe and now we have to make spaceships to get the fuck out of here but we wont have to if you destroy yourself now do it scum or i will cave in your chest with a dozen industrial strength acme buggs bunny pneumatic jackhammers and rip out your insides and sell it to alpo for dog food but they will laugh and slam the door cause you are poison and filth and you have bad taste all one has to do is look ever so slightly into your trashy condemned piece of shit house and they will scream and run away your bed is full of bugs and lice and you sleep with bums from third world countries so you can ram their dirty cocks into your gaping sewer of a cunt the subway is cleaner than you are you are fucking fucked up man go to the cemetery and dig yourself a grave and i will throw your ass in and bury you alive and encase the whole area in super quick dry concrete to make sure you stay there then i will go to your house and i will microwave all your stinky smelly mangy pets and watch and laugh as they explode and cover the kitchen walls with blood i will piss gleefully all over your photographs of your ridiculous family cause they are mangy like the exploded dogs and cats you fuck in your bedroom i have to torch it all down to the ground to make it safe to live for other people that are unfortunate enough to live near you or even remotely pass through the area in sheer pain and agony you give them all nightmares you are so hideous and disgusting i will sell grenade launchers to your neighbors so they can so they can murder your brothers and sisters and anyone else who has anything to do with you whatsoever in the slightest tiniest bit at all ever i totally hate you dude or should i say dud that would certainly be more like it wouldnt it but you cant answer me because i have crammed poisonous lizards into your face and mouth you suck and are a lowlife and you and i but mostly i have the need to have every kind of pain known to man and unman and super man ultra man spider man cool man and the man inflicted upon you you need to suffer all the time everywhere everyday no matter which vacation spot you try to run away to i will find you i will punch your titties into your spine and paralyze you and drop you into a gigantic pool of hungry young maggots and carpet beetles but you deserve more than that cause you deserve nothing at all people never listen to you and ignore you because they are sick of the sound of your voice and i am too and i will run a sears roto tiller over your head over and over and take pictures of it and pass them around your school with pictures of both of your parents sucking and fucking giant prehistoric sloth beasts your dick looks like a dog dick only worse cause that would be offensive to all dogs everywhere and your cunt looks like a rotted hole in the side of a ten day old battlefield corpse i would put you on a space ship and blast you off to another galaxy but it will come back because the aliens will have nothing to do at all with you you arent even considered by them to be even the lowest of all life forms you are so fucking useless your destiny is to rot in your own mind and go crazy and torture yourself for an eternity with oh so brief periods of normalness so you can forget the torture you have suffered only to have it happen again a howitzer a blender chopping away at your genitals i will be at the controls and i will waste your family and spouse in front of you and have them raped into nothingness by alien beings from other planets and i will sell tickets and make a fortune so i can live in splendor you disgusting poor excuse for matter that you are i hate you completely and totally i kill you in my sleep and when i am awake and so did everyone else that ever lived ever since the beginning of all time known and unknown even the animals and plants hate you they would like to see you live in the streets and set on fire on a daily basis you bastard fuckhole starCaliber nazi piece of trash bitch fucker and sucker of all that is repugnant and surely not to forget as well all that is sickly and gross and disgustingly corroded with puke from a thousand drunken junkie slimeballs that live in bowling alleys to die a thousand million deaths isnt even enough for you either and your whore of a girlfriend that needs to have her head converted into a trash can for toxic waste that is all she is good for besides a lousy fuck you would have thought she couldnt fuck anything any more cause she fucks anything that moves including things that dont move like rocks and hammers and broken wine bottles but it doesnt have to be a wine bottle or even a broken bottle but she has had so many thousands of regular bottles up there she has gotten to the point where only broken wine bottles will fuck her she is a fucking slut mangy fat whoring bitch and soon even the broken wine bottles will have nothing to do with her then she will have to go back to rocks and when that peters out she will have you because trash fucks trash and begets even more trash that you screw also even though it is incest you bastarding whoring fucking shitty junk heap of unwanted broken plates with stupid brainless designs on them nobody wants likes or needs you go kill your head with a blast of ddt you are lower than the lowly hairy dangling dick of a sewer roach scummy gross idiot you are trash i will kick your god damn fuck ass all the way down the street i will sick rabid dogs on your butt you are so moldy they would rather die than bite you so why dont you just bite yourself i will even sharpen your teeth though you have none they rotted out of your skull a long time ago or should i say that your dentist felt sorry for them being trapped in that crummy head of yours that he yanked them out just before committing suicide because he could not believe that he even got close to your horrible ugly smelly mouth just to save some teeth but thats his job to save teeth and my job is to knock teeth in and we will start with you because you are first in someones mind when they think about whose teeth they would like to knock in with a steel bar covered with many countless unbelievably sharp edges so sharp that it doesnt even have to get near something to cut it completely and absolutely totally off the entire fucking face of the planet where no one can find it again not even god and he wont even bother cause i have told you he hates you and wants you to cease to exist he hates your furniture and your house it looks like every broken down ugly abandoned crack house combined even all the ones that the cops shut down and they are shutting them down because they are looking for you mother fucker and its only a matter of time before they find you and bring you to me so i can torment you and make you eat your dads testicles and lick the hot asphalt streets covered with oil and rocks and animal carcasses you will keep listening because what i say is the holy truth and fact and even scientists from everywhere say that yes you need to die and the sooner the better you sack of shit with dead smelly fish in it i will go into the future and bring back the biggest most modern and destructive gun ever in the universe and jam your head down inside the barrel with my foot and just before you suffocate i will pull the trigger and the whole planet will cheer and they will make me king of earth and i will have all the pussy i want you asshole you will die and i will be thanked daily for the rest of time come on in i am ready i will kick your ass i will write about destroying you and it will be a best seller everyone wants to stick an axe in your chest and twist it they will look deep into your eyes and laugh until their sides split you are a walking comedy you are a hundred bad drivers you are so dumb stupid and pathetic you dont even know how to play candyland and even if you had candyland the company who makes it would find out cause all of a sudden all the other candyland games would stink when children opened them up and the company would take it back from you and slap you in the fucking face for even thinking that they made the game for you to even know about much less play it and all those poor kids with stinky candyland games that they got for christmas you have ruined christmas for them and santa clause will make a special trip from the north pole to fucking kill you and make you suck the caca out of his reindeers asses then he will call christ and he will fucking nail you to a cross and tell his dad to strike you with lightning every hour on the hour and call down vultures to eat away at your eyeballs you will die and i will be first in line to watch i will piss and defecate on your grave i will kick over your headstone and carve giant swastikas on it and spray paint your address on every wall and flat surface in the world so people can go to your house any time they want day or night and abuse you and torture and maim and burn and squash your little pecker and shove it in to your fucking mouth so you can choke on it and barf yourself inside out so i can pour salt on your insides and take a cheese grater to your balls you damn dirty dick licking dirt clod you slovenly dimwitted shitheaded shitkicker go suck a horses dick i will ravage your family with fire and bombs i will destroy your lives you are all fucking shitty and insignificant and have no use being you fucking sucking shithole fag licker of street gutters your mom lives in the gutter i will crush her damn head cause your brain is made by purina cause you have such a dog face from sticking your nose in poodle butts you bastard slime let me fucking rip you in half and drag you across the desert i want to drown you in my toilet and flush you down the pipes to the sewage treatment plant where you will probably fuck up the machines and nobody will be able to use their toilets anymore so they will have to tie you up and shit in your mouth you will get so constipated and we will shove a cork in your ass to make you explode all over the walls and we will make your children clean it up with their hair it is so matted and rotted anyway who will know the difference i will know the difference i can spot you and your kind from far far away even from another planet even if i was blind and on another planet you cannot hide anywhere and no one will let you anyway you are trapped there is no way out you will see my bullets coming towards you in slow motion yet you will not be able to escape and parts of your body will be shredded one by one and you will scream scream scream in such terrible agony i cant even begin to describe it without using up all time in the world but if you wake up my neighbors i will kick your fucking lame chicken ass in so just remember that when you wake up and find that your legs have been cut off and you feel like screaming you dumb slobbering idiot go suck an egg i fucking hate you to death you damn dirty urinal licker when are you going to put a shotgun in your disgusting mouth fucker head i will destroy you i will disintegrate you into a pile of ashes and dump you into an ashtray so everyone can stick their cigarettes out on your miserable ass you dirty bastard you will be hung and beaten with rusty iron chains the heaviest that they make then you will be staked out in the desert to dehydrate and decompose in the hot sun your eyes will boil away what the hell is going on here why are you even on this planet why do you exist at all you septic tank sucker i will tell you you mother fucker you exist so as i can torment you and spit on you and tell you how much you fucking suck you bastard you are so fucking ugly when you walk down the street people scream and run to the bomb shelters and get flame throwers to burn you to cinders you are their entertainment i will ruin you to the utmost of my endlessly praised and admired ability when it comes to the subject of your destruction and who is to do it my ability far exceeds the limits of your measly mealy little raoch nipple brain so i will have to show you i will give a sample to your head i will demonstrate my powers of annihilation on the members of your family i will make their lives a living three dimensional hell and i am not talkin walt disney either i will starve them and urinate and defecate on their crushed and mangled bodies and i will have the time of my life smashing you out of existence it will give me the utmost pleasure and people will think of me forever after as a living god for ridding the universe of your entity when people eat a hero sandwich they will think of me because i am the one living being that will stop at absolutely nothing to eradicate you into total anti matter and that is all that matters to me and everyone else they hate you i hate you the gods even hate you especially zeus he is just aching to pump countless bolts of lightning into your fanny he will bring back to life every roman gladiator and they will slaughter you one by one over and over again yes it will be a glorious undertaking the klingons will have their turn too and so will everyone else that has ever lived in fiction or nonfiction they will all pay me huge and ludicrous sums of money to get a chance to destroy you and i will have a penthouse and women and you name it mother fucker i will tear you and punch holes in your tongue with an awl ya baby i am just getting started so you will read and read on cause this is about you and all for you my knives are for you my guns are for you my bombs missiles grenades landmines every tool of destruction known to man is at my disposal it was all donated to me with a hand shake and a smile once they knew what i needed them for your time has come it is your end bayba hallelujah praise all the gods of war and destruction your dead mutha fuckah i will kill yer ass an dats garunteeed i have all the heavy weight muthas on my side we are talkin god and jesus and allah and zeus and apollo and adolf hitler and lizzy borden and charles manson and abe lincoln and bozo and ready kilowatt and sugar bear and the whole crew from the honey comb hide out and gi joe not those little ones either were talking bout scarface gi joe and evel knievel and ghengis cahn and captain kirk and godzilla and general destructo and spider man and the entire planet of the apes and charles bronson and mike tyson and secret sauce agent and william shakespeare and jabber jaw and madonna and fucking everyone man you are dead meat we will kill your ass you are fucked forever you cant deny your destiny i will see to that you big fat slob of a cock eater you i hate you to no ends to infinity even past infinity so fuck you i will light you on fire and dowse you with fucking gasoline and other such highly flammable liquids shit head i ache to fry you and boil you in tar i have all kinds of nifty things in store for you mutha let the lord be praised for giving me such powers of complete and total carnage and i even have his permission to do with you anything i want he has washed his hands of you and left you to me for whatever and i will too you walking talking bag of used cat litter you fucking whore you will take anything up your pussy your cunt is a fucking vacuum cleaner that only sucks up things that are dirty and rusted and covered with mold and puke you suck on popsicles made from frozen diarrhea you never eat anything else but fecal matter except maybe maggots and some other shit like that shit you know what the fuck i mean your the one that does it not i you fuckin cocksucker do you understand now why i hate you of course not you are too fucking retarded you are a nitwit a dufus and a simple and complete moron i will grind you against the roughest and harshest substances known to exist and i will put them on my black and decker belt sander and run it back and forth across your body but lets start with your ugly face so i wont have to look at it while i finish the job and this job pays well too even though i would gladly do it for free the thought of actually receiving truck loads of moola for doing something that i enjoy as much and even more than anything else makes me do it with that much bigger a smile on my face and even more warmth in my heart and laughter laughter laughter it is hilarious to watch you in such pain and to know that i am the sole perpetrator of your torture and punishment you were mistakenly brought into this world now you must you will and you are right now even as i speak and shove this skewer up your filthy ass suffering the consequences of your actions that were of course made by no thought of your own but i dont care do you hear me i dont fucking fucking care you are dead and thats all that matters and thats all that you even need think about cause thats all that your tiny mind can handle just you leave the how and why and what to me i will do a good job blowing you away you have the best turning you into the dirt that you are cause i hate you and i want you dead to all the universe and everything in it no one will ever find your remains they will be spread all over the galaxy it will take a five year mission an ten thousand dr whos to find you but they wont find you and do you want to know why ha ha ha ha ho ho he he ha because thats why because they fucking dont care either and they never ever will ever thats why you dick head they hate you i told you you idiot everyone hates you everyone is on my side you havent got a prayer not even a chance in millions you have no hope of escaping they are all waiting everything that is nasty and painful awaits you patiently cause every possible combination of torture and torment will be inflicted upon you we have the biggest super computers in the world working day and night coming up with new and interesting ways of fucking with you physically and mentally as well with others we might have overlooked you just name it sooner or later it will happen to you it is all heading in your direction it has one and only one target in mind and that is of course you who the fuck else you dummy what did you think that there was someone else do you think i would go through all this trouble for someone else ha ha bullshit you are so fucked and hated that there is only one of you to destroy it would be nice if we had exact copies of you to kill along with yourself but unfortunately we dont but we do have the immediate members of your family on ice so that when we are finished with you we can have a big party and start up on them yes sir it will be a blast what me and my cronies will do to them will turn your stomach but then again maybe it wont cause we will just do to them what we did to you we might change the order a bit for variety but so what who cares where you are concerned no one does thats who you are a bad fuck kill yourself and save us the trouble you will try that and it wont work cause you were meant to be destroyed by me and me alone and if i want others to join in on the fun who hate you too thats my god damn business so fuck off you big fuckin weenie i will roast you and feed you too baseball fans but they will take just one bite and go running to the john to throw up and shit all kinds of diaherrea out of their asses and you will be there to catch it too with your mouth wide open begging and pleading for more caca to be heaved in your direction and will it ever be heaved in your direction we are talking about dump trucks and forklifts and bulldozers and every other kind of heavy machinery available to man yes their wheels will roll over you relentlessly crushing and mangling your body so your own mother wont recognize it but all she will have to do is look at that filthy butthole of yours and she will recognize you immediately cause she has spent so much time with her tongue up there how many times a day does she scratch and claw at your pants to get you to give her an opportunity to reach way up your butthole and grab hold of mounds of hot shit that she can spread all over her naked body and then lay outside in the hot sun and bask in the stink and masturbate with dead rattlesnakes i will tell you how many times none thats how many because all she has to do is ask and you gladly have her do it and teach your sisters to do it and your dad cause you and your whole family are fucking sick they need to be put away they need to be taken to a field and bombed by lowflying aircraft from every nation in the world we will test nerve gas on your family we will shoot you up with gallons of toxic drugs and watch and laugh as you peel off your skin and eat it yes why dont you just consume yourself that will be easy enough we will cook one of your arms over an open fire and let you eat it then we will do the same to your other arm and your legs and when thats all done and you are nothing but an even more useless torso we will just shoot you and use you as shark bate mother fucker full of shit that you are i will kick your ass i will fuckin kill you man you god damn homo fucking ass sucking living rot i hate you i will tar and feather and burn you pump a thousand pounds of compressed air into you until you fucking explode dont you realize dont you fucking get it i know your dumb and stupid and you are a moron and that is why i am drilling it into your head this is my job we have already covered that the only thing you need do is just listen to me listen to me because i am right listen to me because you have no mind of your own listen to me because you are searching for destruction but you dont have to search i am more than willing to bring it to your front door you asshole i am your armageddon man i am dominos pizza guaranteed fresh hot free delivery to you the one i hate what more can you ask for than to have the same service delivered to your crazy fucked up and smelly loved ones but you dont need to ask this is just what i am talking about you are so dumb this is a fucking package deal not only do we wipe you out but we wipe everyone out that has anything to do with you we have a list and we are checking it twice we will decide who will get slaughtered and fried mutha fuckah jam jam jam on it you will die thats all there is to it theres no tell in which one of us will do it so get this shit head yer fukin history baby go get the fuck out of here you are a scum and suck fuck off eat shit go jump on the slow boat to china and when you do get to china we will be right there to blow your fucking head to smithereens got it you bastard you piece of turd you amount to nothing not one iota ziltcho zero nada the big circle we will sell your children to satanists to use in their rituals we will make tapes of it so that the torture of your children can be seen and enjoyed by millions on the geraldo show your annihilation will be the hippest and most popular saturday morning entertainment for all the kids who you went to school with especially the neilsons who teased you and hit you and beat on you and called you names and who hated you and made you eat their shit and suck their dicks they will all watch you fry and take part in call in surveys of what to do to you next it will be fun it will be a fun family entertainment extravaganza for us all and not only on a sunday morning either but on every day of the week like morton downey jr like the six o clock news like reruns and wheel of fortune pat sajak will crucify you on the wheel himself and spin it and vanna white will menstruate all over your spinning body you will get so sick from spinning that you will puke in one long gigantic barf that will leave you completely hollow and your organs and guts will be all over the set and we will stomp on them and mash them with our feet and then feed it to snails also of course long sharp burning white hot shards of tempered glass will be dropped on you from the top of a skyscraper while you are chained to the street so cars carrying gleefully stoked to the max passengers can play havoc with your ugly deformed zitty pestilent stinky rancid moldy body you trashy bottle fucking masturbating necrophilic your torture will give all of us who hate your miserable ass such a rip roaring good time budwieser will be drunk dry and then after we are drunk we will drive dozens of large older and incredibly heavy and cheap automobiles recklessly into your home your mother and father will cover the bottom of our vehicles your kids will eat the glass of our headlights and your girlfriend your girl friend will be train fucked and i mean we will tie her down and literally drive a roaring mile long amtrak up her gaping hole what you have the nerve to call her pussy we will be on a cunt hunt when we find the cunt we will shoot her and cut her fucking head off and stuff it in a trash bin behind a seven eleven where it will rot and decay into a mound of dust and all the poor decayed maggots who died thinking they had found a meal but they found poison instead you bastard how dare you bring that on poor innocent maggots fuck you you will pay you bastard you will pay with your services as a being to be hated and destroyed fucking fuck you fuck fuck you and fuck you to death fucking die die die die die i hate hate hate you i hate all of you come to me i will crush you into and right through the pavement i will beat you with my fists until nothing is left not even the tiniest morsel of your being will escape me i will pound you into the dirt until the earth splits in half i will torment you till the sun is reduced to a single ice cube wandering around the universe aimlessly in search of a freezer i will take you out to space and toss you into a fucking black hole let carl sagan deal with your pitiful shit i wont have it any more do you fucking understand me you slovenly wretch of a human being but you arent a human you are a cheap imitation a poorly informed imposter your are dead meat and youre mine mine to destroy mine to obliterate mine to throw into the depths of the deepest hottest inferno yah mutha you are mine and i am lovin it you dont know just how bitchin it is to have your very own torture toy it is great and thats all you need to know cause i will tell you what ever the fuck i want to if i want to tell you to bite your tongue in half or i will mash your balls in a vise hey thats my business not yours so fuck off and do what i tell you and without delay either cause if you postpone any of my enjoyment by god forbid procrastinating i will beat the shit out of you and cut your little sisters titties off got that clown idiot jerko you better because i am not laughing mother fucker i hate you and i always will hate you forever and ever and we are not talking just until the cows come home or until hell freezes over or when the fat lady sings we are talking forever man you suck and stink and smell and i will kill you you are a worthless piece of trash the worst thing ever to happen to gods universe and you are dead meat all of us feel the same way and we wont rest because fucking with you is how we get our jollies and our jollies are very important to us you bastard go die i hate you now you fuck go back to the beginning of this story the best story that has ever been written or ever will be fuck the bible as it has nothing on this fine piece of work and start all over again or i will kill the shit out of you i didnt think you would obey me thats why i love to fuck with you because you are a never ending inspiration you piss me off so much all the time i always have energy to kill and maim you i have endless credit with the swiss banks and all the worlds defense departments to get as many weapons as i need want or could ever ask for to obliterate your poor pathetic weenie into dust space dust because thats where i would have to put it deep into space so deep.

Hopefully that clarifies things.

Da pra notar que o Cervantes americano deve ter uns 14 anos de idade...e tempo de sobra
depois de fazer o paracasa...

22 dezembro 2005

Can you Fuckin Dig it?

Seria inexato e injusto dizer que o meio artistico atrai mais idiotas e megalomanos que qualquer outro meio(politica e religiao sao dois fortes concorrentes) mas apos assistir o Dvd do documentario "DIG" tive de admitir que o ShowBusiness eh o habitat mais apropriado pra esse tipo de criatura.
"DIG" foi filmado ao longo de 7 anos(that's right,you read right)por uma tal Ondi Timoner,filmmaker e femea amiga das bandas :The Dandy Warhols e The Brian Jonestown Massacre(quem?)
Das 2 bandas, os Dandy tem feito um sucesso razoavel aqui no UK,gracas a uma propaganda de mobile phone(digo,celular) enquanto a outra, o BJM continua como no dia em que nasceu: underground e maldita,aparentemente por causa do seu lider Anton Newcombe(aih na foto)que alem de se achar um genio,com uma visao musical unica eh um Cunt sem tamanho.
As estrepulias que ele e sua banda fazem no palco e fora desafiam a credibilidade e paciencia de qualquer um. Geralmente gente que se considera genial e com visao musical unica sao durante o dia,um pe no saco(believe me I know what I'm talkin about).
Bem ,nao vou escrever o Press release do filme;mas se voce quiser ver uma banda que voce nunca ouviu trocando porrada entre si no palco nao ha nada no mercado no momento que se compare.Esse documentario consegue ser ainda mais excruciante que o do Mettalica.

O trem eh tao kabuloso que apos terminar de ver me perguntei: como eh que ele concordou em deixar isso ser lancado (o mesmo tipo de pergunta que me faco ao ver alguns dos filmes pornos com garotas maravilhosas fazendo coisas desavergonhadas)?Dei uma passada no site da banda e lah achei uma mensagem enderecada a quem assisitu: Anton nao gostou do filme e se acha injusticado pela diretora(que ao seu ver so mostrou os aspectos negativos da coisa toda)....
Quem mandou ser um Cunt?

12 dezembro 2005

Agora sim...

Pronto, cheguei lá. Gravei a Elke Maravilha aqui no meu estudio. Lembra Rubs, que você falava que se o Sexo Explícito fosse ao Chacrinha, que você iria correndo direto lá na mesa dos jurados e sapecaria um beijo na boca da Elke? Nunca fomos ao Chacrinha, mas se fôssemos, garanto que você ficaria pasmado com a imponência da mulher e não conseguiria se mover direito na sua presença de macho alfa de qualquer ambiente. Você não beija a Elke. Ela te beija, ok? E se quiser pega suas orelhas, e te pôe no colo gritando: Criaaaançaaaa.... mas só se ela quiser.

Que massa.

10 dezembro 2005


Fuckin' xmas is back.
As mesmas musicas de sempre tocando no Mall,
os mesmos programas na Tv com os melhores e piores momentos do ano.
John Lennon,que inventou de ser assasinado perto do natal,este ano esta em tudo quando eh lugar e perto de ser canonizado.Eh claro,25 anos de sua morte...perfeito pra comemoracoes e pra esvaziar as prateleiras de seus CDs na Tower Records.
Radio 4 dedicou essa semana toda a ele.Entrevistas com velhos conhecidos de Liverpool,descontrucao de suas letras("Songs in the key of Lennon),uma radio novela e uma entrevista dada aa Rolling Stone (a revista ,nao a banda) transmitida pela primeira vez.
Essa entrevista,por sinal,foi uma das mais fascinantes que jah ouvi,na vida.Aqui,estamos acostumados com o velho Macca botando panos quentes no relacionamento Beatlemaniaco:
"John era que nem um irmao pra mim...que cara legal...grande compositor tambem...bla,bla,bla...
John ,por outro lado,estava mais pra botar fogo no circo e assistir o palhaco se descabelar.
Nesta entrevista ele detona Eric Clapton,Billy Preston,George H("nao sei porque nao dei uma porrada na cara dele quando ele foi semducacao com a Yokinha...)Bob Dylan("deus me livre de ficar que nem ele tocando a mesma musica pra sempre...)e Paul("quando ouvi seu primeiro disco solo achei horrivel...).
Mas a detonada maior foi pros proprios Beatles:"Pra chegar ao topo voce tem de ser um Bastard e os Beatles foram os maiores Bastards de todos os tempos".
"quando nos viajavamos,nos botavamos pra fuder.Literalmente.Em nosso cortejo todos os excessos eram permitidos,desde que longe das lentes dos fotografos,qualquer droga,qualquer buceta de fan,valia tudo. "When the Beatles hit a Town,we really hit it!"

O engracado eh que a modafacar da Yoko esta reecrevendo a historia.Todos os aspectos negativos ou duvidosos de sua existencia estao sendo sistematicamente airbrushed.Incidentes que envolveram violencia domestica por exemplo, junto com toda a evidencia de que ele era um genio e um cunt,contidos no mesmo corpo.
Mas o pior de tudo eh ter que ouvir a voz dela no radio.Durante a tal entrevista ,John tem de pedir pra ela fechar a matraca duas vezes.
Voces ai no Bananao nao fazem ideia do quanto sao sortudos de so ouvirem dublado...

03 dezembro 2005

Que mane Glamour ....

A ideia de Glamour eh uma das mais ilusorias que jah encontrei.A propria ideia de algo que simbolize o estagio final onde tudo eh exuberante e voce estah sempre satisfeito eh por si soh ilogica.Nao que eu me preocupe muito com logica,ou entenda. O fato eh que a maioria(incluindo os podre de ricos)
das pessoas estah dessatisfeita. Eh a natureza da especie.Nao importa quantos garcons,funcionario de hotel ,motorista ou qualquer outro puxa saco te adule.
Quando gente como a modafacar da Tonia Carrero(tah viva ou morta?nao sei)enche/enchia a boca pra falar que alguma coisa era glamourosa,a respeito do que ela estava falando?...Nunca entendih...
Ela nos domingos aa tarde na Tv ,estava sempre lah vendendo seu creminho Nivea ou Avon ...sei lah. .."Entao voce passa esse creminho na sua pele e voce vai ficar toda Glamourosa...que nem eu...olha soh aqui essa gordurinha nas costas do meu antebraco...toda hidratada...Glamourosa...delicia...

Certos lugares parecem que nao seram Glamourosos nunca ,enquanto outros nao tem como deixarem de ser.
Paris,Viena,Londres sao cool pracarai ao passo que,por exemplo, se voce morar em Belo Horizonte,voce pode se surprender um dia maldizendo essa maldita cidade horrivel.Voce pode se flagrar pensando. "Que bosta,tou aqui na avenida Olegario Maciel e tenho de pegar um onibus pro Pindorama.Puta merda que bosta...

Bem,se serve de consolo,se voce estivesse em Londres talvez fosse a mesma coisa,talvez voce pensasse com seus botoes: Que bosta, to aqui na Oxford st e vou pegar um onibus pra Whaltamstow...fucking shit... Ah se eu morasse em KnightsBridge...aquilo sim eh que eh area pra morar... No caso de Belo Horizonte nao adianta sonhar em morar na pampulha porque lah tambem eh shit.(ok,com excecao de umas 3 casas)

Trafalgar Square eh um lugar inundado diariamente por hordas de International Glamour Seekers ,gente(?)do mundo todo tentando capturar um pouquinho do suposto glamour que Londres tem.A maneira com a qual esperam concluirem suas missoes eh ao mesmo tempo engracada e dolorida.Primeiro de tudo,a coisa mais uncool no mundo:mochila ou pochete
acompanhadas de bermuda e oculos escuro.Detalhe:tudo spanking new.Se bobear, ainda com a etiqueta da loja....pelo amor de deus(dah vontade de dizer) .Eh o equivalente de por uma placa em volta do pescoco dizendo: I'm a tourist.Please rip me off or just spit on my face.
Lembro de um lugar ai no Bananocio que era sempre referido como glamouroso, onde as Socialites (tai uma palavra that I fucking hate) estavam sempre lah de ferias e coisa e tal,o lugar eh o tal" Buzios".Tenho de admitir que nunca fui a buzios mas estou na posicao de poder garantir ,pra quem quiser me ouvir,que lah eh uma merda.
Ha,ha (posso ateh ouvir voce dizer)como voce sabe que eh uma merda sem nunca ter ido lah?
A resposta eh simples : Buzios eh uma cidade do Rio que estah dentro do Brasil ,O Brasil eh Brega(incompativel com glamour)e o Rio eh uma bosta...Eh assim que eu sei!